


Everything hurts but we're okay

by KittyKarnstein96



Series: Carmilla One-shots [2]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fix-It, Human Carmilla Karnstein, Hurt/Comfort, Post Season 3 Finale, Protective Carmilla Karnstein, all of the lakarnstein feels, because I am very conflicted about the ending so I decided to add more, emotional lafontaine, friendship solves everything, reckless squad, resolved issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 10:20:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8282425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyKarnstein96/pseuds/KittyKarnstein96
Summary: Everyone responds to grief differently and Carmilla knows what it's like to live with guilt, to live with regrets but those feelings don't always have to be a bad thing.The resolution we deserve.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Beta-ed by the glorious @astrivikia

The soft jingle of bells rang through the abandoned diner as four sets of feet awkwardly shuffle through the door. Carmilla's grip on Laura's hand never falters as she let her lead her toward a booth in the corner of the room. Laura let Carmilla slide in first before snuggling up against her side.  A content smile graces her face as she presses her head against Carmilla's chest to listen to the gentle rhythm of her heartbeat, fingers tracing aimless patterns in her dark hair. It takes a moment before they really process they aren't alone; Laura springing up immediately at the realization to go help Perry guide Lafontaine towards the booth.

Carmilla wants to protest and call out to her lover, tell her not to leave even for a minute. Instead she says nothing, torn between holding Laura or helping the bio major. Laura has her arm looped on one side as Perry ushers them into the seat. Laf's face is extremely pale and Carmilla flinches at the sight of more blood seeping through their makeshift bandage. She takes a moment to gather her thoughts before realising that she can no longer recognise the sweet scent of blood she'd once craved. They sit opposite her, squinting with their good eye as their hand cradles the bandage. She sees them wince in pain when Perry moves to examine their wrapping and she has to bite back the smirk as Perry starts rambling about first aid kits and food sources. She's wearing an expression reminiscent of a concerned mother as her gaze flicks uncertainly between Laura and Laf, unsure which injured soul to approach first. The two lock eyes for a brief moment before Carmilla reaches for Laura's hand.  A hint of a smile touches Perry's lips as she turns her attention to Lafontaine.

Laura shifts even closer to her girlfriend, tilting her head so she can brush her lips against Carmilla's. The brunette tugs Laura forward so she can deepen the embrace, the feeling of her heart rate picking up still unfamiliar.  She pulls away to catch her breath, a hand moving to clutch her chest as she tries to remember how breathing works. Who knew it would be such a hard thing to pick back up. Laura smiles at her, brushing a fallen strand of hair behind Carmilla's ear before letting a hand rest on her thigh, gently squeezing it in the hope of getting the ex-vampire to relax. 

"Not so easy being a frail little human is it?"

That mocking tone earns Laura a playful shoulder swat and a barely audible attempt at a growl, which seemed far less effective now.

A noise of frustration escapes her as she says, "I... I forgot how inconvenient this is!"

Laura's smirk only grew at the breathy quality of Carmilla's voice, turning to see Perry regarding them with an adoring gaze.

"Some things never change. I've missed seeing you both so happy and free."

"We missed you too Perry."

Perry immediately moves to squeeze Laura's hand, the two sharing a smile.  The rather loud sound of a stomach growling interrupts the moment, but only ends up making the redhead's smile widen as they both turn to look at a rather sheepish Carmilla.

“…sorry,” the former vampire says.

"I'll go see if I can whip up some food for us all," Perry says cheerfully, pausing when she catches Lafontaine's pained expression "Laura; would you mind helping me?"

Laura followed Perry's gaze before saying, "Uh yeah sure, no problem."

Perry nods, bustling off to the kitchen.  Laura places a chaste kiss on Carmilla's cheek before following after the redhead, leaving Carmilla alone with Laf. The air suddenly feels very thin, an awkward tension filling the space the pleasantries had taken up mere moments earlier. Carmilla starts to pick at her nails, her gaze drifting to linger on their conflicted expression.  She falls short of doing anything else just yet, still unsure how to start the much needed conversation. Lafontaine shifts slightly, moving their hand so that their fingers awkwardly linger near the edge of the table. Their squinting isn't as bad anymore and their unsteady gaze lingers on the brunette. She ignores them, turning her head to look out the window and take in the setting sun dancing across the fallen campus. The broken remains of the Lustig theatre building feels so far away now. She quickly shakes the thought out of her mind, the sound of her own heartbeat a stark reminder of how close she came to losing everything.

She can no longer use her super hearing but just the knowledge that Laura is behind a door relaxes her body. Or it would have had it not been for the feeling of Lafontaine's gaze still set on her. She clenches her fist, whipping her head around to shoot them a stony glare. Her tone holds a sharp edge as she snaps at them.

"Why the frilly hell are you staring at me?!"

They startle at the sound of her voice and if it weren't for the fact that they were clearly struggling to see or comprehend anything she would have laughed.

"I...C-c-carm...carmilla I..."

Their voice wavered and they were looking above her head as they tried to formulate a regular sentence.

"I...I wanted to...well you see I just...I need to..." Their gaze dropped for a moment as they struggled to get out what they needed to say.

"Excellent linguist skills there Laf," She quipped.

"Could you stop being snarky for one minute?!"  Laf snaps back, voice losing some of its shakiness.  It was more upset than angry though.

Her eyebrows rose at the bite in their tone but she said nothing. They waited a few seconds, seeming to steel themself, before continuing.

"I need to say something...well a few somethings and...before...and I didn't know **_that_** would happen but I...I didn't...I shouldn't have...I didn't mean to...I...I just...anger yes that and I didn't realise..." Their gaze, which had previously been locked on the former vampire, was now flicking around nervously, settling anywhere but her.

"What are you going on about?"

They start to fidget, stilling a breath before their gaze drifts down again and they're whispering the words.

"I shouldn't have left."

Carmilla wordlessly nods. 

"No, you shouldn't have" She agrees.  The words are blunt, but they aren't accusing.

"I just figured...I don't know...I didn't think...I was just so angry at you both and...I shouldn't...I couldn't. Perry means everything to me,"

"I know that-"

They shake their head, their voice raising slightly as they cut her off.

"No. What I said...whilst my anger was somewhat justified...I..I just lashed out and I didn't...thinking...I just...I wanted to save Perry but I...I didn't mean to..." Carmilla's face softens, the conflict on their face only growing with each broken syllable. "What I mean is that...I...I'm really sorry."

"-look, it's okay."

Suddenly their fist is slamming on the table and they're taking a shaky step up, clutching the side of the booth as they ground them self.

"Goddamn it! IT'S NOT OKAY! I left...I screwed up! I just had to save Perry...I brought her into the library and then Laura vanished...and I...you were so angry...and I couldn't help. Then j-j-jp and I couldn't...I couldn't take it...and the only plan we had was going to kill Perry, I just...I panicked and I left! Then everything happened and...I freaking did it again! I just...I didn't think you'd want...you were broken and I didn't think you'd want me there...not after what I'd said...how I'd acted...I wanted to shove the blame away but you were right before; it is my fault!"

Their body is shaking, Carmilla’s expression unreadable as their words race through her head trying to find a way to respond. 

She starts to reach out for the distressed scientist, but thinks better of it and pulls back, steadying herself before she speaks.

"Laf listen alright? Yeah you made a mess and you shouldn't have left but you weren't the only one making shitty decisions, alright?” Carmilla lifted her chin, trying to catch their eye so she could be sure she got her point across. “We made choices too and they weren't Suzie Homemaker friendly. This isn't your fault."

"I left you! I just left you holding....” Laf trailed off for a moment to try and compose themself, covering their face with their hand for a moment before they let it fall, glancing away.  Carmilla thinks she can see unshed tears shining in their good eye.  Their voice is steadier when they continue, tight with guilt. “I let the Dean in, I lashed out at you guys, I left without telling and then I," a humourless laugh broke up their words, voice hardening with a sickening certainty.  "Then I ruined everything."  It was stated like a fact, their expression falling deeper into self-loathing.

Their fist slams down again and it's enough to make Carmilla rise up. Their head snaps towards her and she can see the panic rising on their face as she moves. She crosses the distance between them in seconds, stopping just short of moving past them.  She can hear a broken cry come from Laf as she draws them towards her. Her arms wrap tightly around their shivering form, and she can feel the moment their wall collapses, the scientist slumping against her. Laf's arms shift slowly, rising to cling to her. She can feel the desperation in the gentle pressure. She uses what little strength she has to hold them up; she's practically the only thing keeping the small scientist upright now. Her hands gently rub their shoulders as she holds them close to her, hoping she's actually getting this right. She can hear their broken repeated apologies and all she can do is rock them slightly, whispering to them.

"Shush, it's okay."

...

"Okay, so these will be done in about 10 minutes." Perry smiles as she places the baking tray into the oven, making sure to close the door before straightening up. Her face changes as she turns back to Laura, hand raising to grip the other girl's forearm.

"Oh Laura, you have no idea how relieved I am that you're okay."

"Yeah," she says, voice a bit distant. "Yeah me too," she reaffirms.  A half smile brightens her face, squeezing Perry's hand.

"How are you feeling? Do I need to get some ice or bandages or maybe I should find some-"

Laura's hand at her shoulder is enough to stop the rambling before it can really take off.

"I'm okay Perry,” Laura says sincerely “a little achy and my chest hurts a bit but really; I'm okay...ooof!"

The relief on Perry's face immediately cuts the tension and then Perry is hugging her tightly. So tightly that it makes Laura gasp, her own hands sliding around to pat Perry's shoulder blades. They pull apart after a minute or so and then Perry is gripping Laura's arm, a serious expression on her face.

"Laura, I am so deeply sorry for what happened.” Her hands moved erratically along with her words. “After everything we all went through and trying to save Betty. Everything I...no everything  _she_  did. I'm just so sorry."

"Perry, please don't apologise. We know it wasn't you, you were being controlled."

Laura tilts her head, her upper body twisting to nudge into Perry’s personal space as she gently squeezes her arm. She can see the tears forming in the corner of Perry's eyes.

"I know, I just...I felt so helpless and I know I can't make up for what happened but I am going to try to be the best friend I can be to you...and to Carmilla."

Laura smiles again.

"You already are a great friend Perry! Even Carm said so."

Perry smiles at how sure the other girl sounds, noting the softness in her tone when she said Carmilla's name.

"You really love her don't you?"

"Yeah, I do" The tone of her voice only adds to the confirmation.

The redhead begins to say something else but the sound of a loud bang interrupts her train of thought.

"Oh gosh what was that?!"

"It sounded like it came from in there!" 

Before Laura could stop her, Perry is rushing out holding a wooden spoon. She quickly followed the redhead, crashing through the door ready to fight whatever evil might be threatening them now.  The sight she was met with was the furthest from that. Carmilla had her arms coiled around a trembling Lafontaine, gently rocking them back and forth. Laura can see the tears that had formed in Carmilla eyes. They make slow tracks down her face as she repeats hushed reassurances in their ear. The sight breaks her heart and she has to restrain herself from running over to crush them in a Hollis bear hug. She settles for moving closer to Perry who's sporting a similar expression. She lets her hand seek out Perry's, smiling as she feels her squeeze it back.

"We're going to be okay, aren't we?"

"yeah," Laura nods speaking softly" we're going to be okay."

She flashes Perry a soft smile as she realises for the first time she is 100% certain that everything is going to be okay.


End file.
